Your Favorite Band Sucks

This is the McDonald's of goth culture. Goth Daddy Too Buff (a.k.a. Trent Reznor) has been cashing in on teen angst for thirty freakin' years. Think about that for a second. This is a 50-year-old man ...

First of all, this isn't a band. It's Billy Corgan going into a studio and recording 100 guitar tracks per song, then whispering half his vocals before eating a bunch of broken glass and recording the...

The Doors are the musical equivalent of a 20-year-old who's taken five guitar lessons and one philosophy class. That's gonna seem pretty far ahead of where you are when you're 15. You're not 15. Stop ...

Everyone likes The Smiths because it's super impressive that Morrissey, clearly a deaf man, can approximate singing, right? Also, guess what, it ain't just Morrissey. This entire band is the worst. Ar...

Listen up, Danfans. You've been wrong and you always will be wrong until the moment you admit that liking Steely Dan is the audio equivalent of enjoying the smell of your own farts. Steely Dan sucks. ...

The Beastie Boys not only suck but are also perhaps the single most annoying gimmick in music history. It is jaw-dropping that this made-for-frat-boys cultural theft happened and that critics somehow ...

Fleetwood Mac is a trash fire. Nobody even really likes this crap, they just think they remember liking it. Revisit those "classic" Fleetwood Mac albums for lessons in trash songwriting, hilariously b...

What makes a band the heaviest metal band ever? Unless it's ridiculous Satanic imagery, muddy production, subpar musicianship, stupid lyrics and releasing the same album over and over for militant fan...

Are we sure Mike Ness didn't see Grease in 1978 and decide to start a band? Because, uh, it would make a lot of sense if that was exactly how Social Distortion happened. What doesn't make any sense is...

A lot of people think The Who is a great, legendary band. They point to the virtuoso musicianship, great songwriting, genius concept albums and, of course, that rock opera. This would all be well and ...